Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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