Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize