I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
