And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
