yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
