well I can't set my house on fire every night
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
