My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
