i jhust puked up my retainher.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
