don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
