My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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