Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize