Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
