I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
