I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We're too hungover to prance.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
