I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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