Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
