it wasn't lemon gatorade
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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