Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
