Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
