I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
