I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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