She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
