chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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