My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
