what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
