She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
