At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
