What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
