Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
