He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
