Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize