dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
