these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
