Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
