he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize