i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
