Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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