is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
