i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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