how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
