dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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