I think i peed on brittanys purse
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
