Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize