took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
