I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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