I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
