gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
