She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
