You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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