dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
