no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
