The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
