I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
