You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
