You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Every concussion has its silver lining
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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