omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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