Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
