Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
