i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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