Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
