Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
