Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
