I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
