seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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