Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
