it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
