I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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