Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
