Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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