cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize