If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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