am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
