I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
