There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
