do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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