I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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