Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
