It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
