They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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