He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
