Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
