Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
