She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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