Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
