Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize