he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
