ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize