Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
